Transforming

In order to cope, I've begun to impose some structure on my life. I hate structure, but in order to function, it is necessary. I created a new schedule. Instead of going to bed at midnight, or whenever I happen to get tired enough to fall asleep, I try to be in bed by 10pm. I get up in the morning at 4am sharp. I begin my morning with a shower--to help wake me up--and a then my normal hygienic routine. I then practice sitting meditation for 30 minutes. After getting dressed, I'm out the door by 5:20am and to the train station so I can arrive at work between 6:50-7am. I leave work at 4:30pm and get back to Pasadena between 6-6:15. I head to the gym for a workout from 6:30-7:30. I eat dinner when I get home and the rest of my night is free time.

I've been on this schedule for the past week, and despite the fact that I'm not a morning person and I am a night-owl, I've found that I'm much more energetic in the morning. I'm still completely out of my mind by mid-afternoon and I still find it difficult to focus during the day. However, my mornings feel slightly less erratic, which is progress.

I've been skipping breakfast regularly for the past 8 or 9 months. When I get to work, I'm starving so I have a cup of coffee, which not only takes away the hunger, it also calms me and focuses me. However, I'm going to make an effort to cut back on caffeine. I'm replacing my liquid breakfast with one full of vitamins, complex carbs, and protein. Hopefully, that will provide me with real mental energy instead of the fleeting and non-nutritious kind brought about by a heavy stimulant like caffeine, which wears off in the afternoon and causes me to unravel quickly.